Playing with Abundance – Fear of …what?

At the most recent Abraham-Hicks meetup, we were talking a bit about money, and bringing in abundance… And I had the sudden realization that when it comes to random abundance, like cars or winning contests or radio interviews or astrology readings or you name it – I’m pretty good at asking for those, and then letting them in. You expect it, and it comes. Money though…

Money is a totally different subject… Here’s some audio I recorded a few days ago that pretty much sums things up when it comes to my relationship with money:

“Money is one of the hardest the hardest things to manifest. It makes sense as far as so many people apparently having difficulty with it who are specficially using abraham, law of attraction techniques. The reson I find it so difficult is that I don’t find it possible. The whole group consicousness revolves around the idea that you need to work hard to have money. That you need to be unhappy, to have money. That it doesn’t just fall in your lap.

Now, the other stuff like people and radio interviews, those kind of have not been addressed by the group consciousness as far as that’s possible. That’s fallen through the cracks – getting random stuff that’s really cool is great! You’re ‘lucky’. And so, that’s relatively easy for me… it’s ‘possible’.

But money, there’s all this baggage around it that I’ve bought into. I don’t think you can get money without working hard and not being happy, heh. Working hard, meaning, basically, doing something you dont enjoy and doing it a lot. For me, when I’m doing something, intense as it might be, I never consider it work – not when I’m happy. I’m playing.

Now money, money involves work which brings about being unhappy. They’re indelibly linked in my mind, and I’m not interested in being unhappy. If you’re not unhappy it’s not work and only work deserves money. So – I have no money. o.O So… I just need to undo these beliefs, that’s it. It’s not a big deal. I’m just tied into the group consciousness’ beliefs on this. And, I need to let that go somehow. So, how do I turn that around?

I can look at stories of people who got rich quick. Hm, no, in my mind, all those stories end badly, heh. My belief right now is that all those people who got rich quick ended up being miserable and were better off without it anyway. So no get rich quick stories.

Perhaps there’s a well out there of law of attraction money generating stories. Listening to those would be the best thing I could do for myself.”

So, that’s what I did. I looked up stories. Found a neat guy’s site called the Million Dollar Experiment and really resonated with a lot of what he was saying. I thought about it, began becoming easy with receiving money…showing gratitude for even tiny little influxes…

And suddenly I had two different people send me $ in appreciation of what I’m doing – about 25 times more $ than I have gottten used to expecting. o.O

My reaction? Terror. o.O I felt like I had been sucker punched both times. Hard to breath, and I wanted to throw my hands up and just cry and make it go away. I’ve been mulling over this crazy reaction, thinking about it, and realized that I have had this reaction in the past, too – it’s just not triggered very often.

When someone gives me something that’s WAY unexpected and beyond anything I have yet to experience… I feel like curling up into a tiny ball and crying until it goes away even as I’m saying ‘Yes!’ at the same exact instant. It’s like I’m afraid if I accept I’ll be hurt or something? Maybe there’s some deeply buried childhood trauma at work, here…

I have NO idea. But, it was so unexpected that I figured I would just go ahead and write about it now while it’s still fresh. We’ll see what happens! I don’t plan to let this one go – it’s definitely not serving me any longer.

Soul / Mind / Emotions / Body Equivalence *mutters irritably*

Sunday, September 21, Audio Log, Conclusion:

“I realize in a very real way that I did not believe in the whole mind, body thing at all. I believed that the body was just the vehicle that helped you get around in life, have this 3D experience, and that it was important to keep it healthy so that you could have the best 3D experience you could have…

I read about how it’s a lens for your experience, blah blah blah, etc. But I didn’t really believe it… I had just been sick, and I wanted to get better. That was my focus. Now I realize: I was wrong. Wrong Wrong Wrong.

The body actually is like I’ve been saying all along – though I wasn’t hearing myself. It’s a facet of the soul. It’s the lowest vibrating version of You. And…everything in it and of it and all the parts of it, everything you do to it, you’re doing to yourself, in a very real way. It’s you. It’s your soul, too.

It’s just your soul vibrating at a very low level, or low rate, so you can actually be here in the physical. So, if you consider the soul to be like a triangle, it’s the apex of the triangle, as far as how focused it is. As far as how slow it is, and how single-pointed.

And so, it’s not something that can be ignored. I was thinking that enlightenment and awakening is all about the soul anyway, isn’t it? I’s about, all that higher stuff, the spirituality stuff. The body is just a vehicle, a convenient host. And, that was wrong. Wrongwrongwrongwrongwrong.”

That was the final understanding I came to. Here’s all the audio log stuff that led up to that conclusion:

“It’s really interesting. For a long time now, I’ve worked on my resonance, my feelings. My state of being in relation to what I’m experiencing. And I’ve really come to the ability to get a sense for when things are out of harmony, out of sync. Dis-resonant with my well being. And I’m getting some major dis-resonance with taking these detox pills in the morning. This sense of resentment, anger, grrrrrr energy.

What I’m dis-resonant about is that I can’t eat when I first wake up because I have to take the pill when I first wake up, then I have to wait a half hour before I can eat. And for some reason I’ve really latched on to that. And, it doesn’t make any sense because I normally don’t eat when I first wake up, anyway. But all these things are happening that make me want to!

Like, eating a really small dinner, one day, so I woke up starving the next day. And the next day it was Keith (my husband) having gotten scones, and my wanting to eat immediately. It feels like self-fulfilling prophecy resentment. Where, I’ve got this huge, huge ball of angst and resentment for no reason. I’m really angry… It’s like I’m holding on to a reason to be upset!

And, I’ve done the switching my thoughts attitude adjustment thing like I usually do. Which is to say, I look for reasons to appreciate the detox…and… rewind back to the understanding that the morning food thing doesn’t bother me at all, in reality.

And yet…for this…just lately, and for more than this! There are many things. This resentment seems to harbor itself, it seems to really want to stick around! And I’m thinking that there might be a body mind equivalent. That this detox is triggering the parts of my body that are stagnant. That were so used to holding on to resentment in my life, for so long…

And this resonance is very familiar, by the way. I used to live there, and spent a lot of time rolling around in it. I spent time there because I felt justified doing so. But the thing is, I never finished the thought… The fact that it made no sense to stay there, because it made me unhappy to stay there! It never led to change, and it just gave me a reason to be pissed off…

So, it’s just very interesting, watching myself beginning to go through this. Seeing the things that are coming up. And, having to do a constant fire fighting job of, “Relax, it’s okay. Relax… it’s O-Kay… It’s all right…” Having to constantly be diligent as far as my body does not want to relax. It does not want to say it’s okay. It wants to latch onto this and dig its teeth in and chew for a while… To the detriment of me, myself and I, for no reason…

I guess, because of habit. I guess because, there were a lot of things I was angry about in my life that I hadn’t given myself permission to feel angry about, and so that energy was looking for an outlet in any way it could…”

A few minutes go by while I think about this.

“The well being place, the well being resonance that I’m used to being in, is 1 to the power of 10 jump above the resentment place. When I remember to jump back up – it’s easy to do, but not easy to maintain. But when I jump back it’s like I have a moment of clarity, like I go, “Woah, that was interesting.” And look back at the resentment feelings and think, “Oh, wow… that’s like a whole other way of looking at the world,” and then I wonder why I was thinking that way, that it made no sense…

Maybe part of this will be learning to just go into the well being and not look back. Maybe it’s looking back that’s playing a major part in my dropping back. Maybe… Maybe I need to learn to let go.”

A few more minutes go by while I think about this.

“It’s almost as if I’m in the law of attraction vibe of finding things to be resentful about, too… My mind is naturally going to stuff to be pissed about *rueful chuckle*. Um…I look at things and I find reasons why I am justified in being angry about it, or resentful, or who knows. Why I should feel bad, is what it comes down to. Why I deserve to feel bad. I’m cup is half empty girl all of a sudden… … … … and I don’t like it.”

Think some more…

“This is my challenge. To go through this detox of my body, this detox of my mind. To kick the habit of a toxic state of being, body, mind and soul. I Accept. I can do this. I’ve learned a lot since then. I have many tools, and the detox will take a month. I can last a month. I CAN do this…”

A few minutes go by while I think about this.

“This is kind of disturbing, but, underneath all the pissiness and irritability, I can feel my body crying. I can feel it groaning, almost. Hear it, like a bridge, under too much weight. Too much strain.

It’s like it’s buckling under the strain, or it wants to. But, I don’t think it’s going to. Not this time. This time I’m stronger. This time I have a much healthier, stronger foundation. And I may buckle and fall a little bit, but, I’ll catch myself. And if it does…it’s okay. I get the sense that this really is the harbored kernel anger and pain and resentment and loss and hate, that…has continued to fuel the joint pain that I have. I have wondered…why do I still have this? I don’t hold the resonance of this particular dis-ease anymore.

Well, apparently I do, IN my body someplace. And this detox is knocking on its door. It’s waking it up and telling it to pack its bags and…of course…it’s resentful. *rueful chuckle*”

First Wake Up and Smell the Bliss Class in Second Life!

Yay! The Wake Up and Smell the Bliss Center, mentioned in a previous post, is now officially open! And, I had a very fun time holding the first class, there! This class was given entirely in text, and there were no class materials, except for a log of the class itself which was handed out the next day. I decided to post this one here, to mark the occassion. In real time, this class was an hour and a half long I intend to have the Smell the Bliss website (www.smellthebliss.com) up in the near future, where I’ll be posting future logs and other fun stuff.

 

Past Event Logs, Images and Info from the
Wake Up and Smell the Bliss Center
Iliana Paravane on Finding Your Own North Star
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Iliana Paravane:
Jesa Li: : )
Iliana Paravane: Hi!
Calista Reatequi: hello
Cardea Cloetens: Hello – not rezzed yet…
Iliana Paravane: Rezrezrez
Calista Reatequi: smiles
Cardea Cloetens: Hmmm.
Jesa Li: magical SL chant – rezrezrez
(Author’s Note: This is the Second Life chant because Rez is short for resolve. Second Life is an internet based environment, with lots of graphics and moving parts. It sometimes takes a while for things to finish loading before you can clearly see everything around you.)
Iliana Paravane: Hehehee
Cardea Cloetens: Iliana…how do I enter?
Iliana Paravane: Click the door to open it.
Iliana Paravane: Ah! Thanks for pointing that out to me – I always forget I need to orient the seats
Cardea Cloetens: easy enough!
Calista Reatequi: ty
Iliana Paravane: Heee
Iliana Paravane smiles, “Welcome. Grab a seat, any seat. “
Iliana Paravane: We’ll wait a couple for people to arrive.
Iliana Paravane: Startin’ to think maybe I should put a ‘click me to open!’ sign on the door.
Jesa Li: I don’t know how I got through… didn’t click anything…
Iliana Paravane: I opened it for you, hehe
Jesa Li: aha!
Calista Reatequi: hmmm, i’m used to clicking doors
Iliana Paravane:
Iliana Paravane: Welcome – grab a seat, any seat
Iliana Paravane: We’re gonna wait a few minutes for people to arrive and get settled.
Jesa Li: Iliana, how long do you plan for this meeting to be?
Iliana Paravane: Welcome! Pick out whichever seat resonates with you most.
(Author’s Note: The seats in the Bliss Center each have a word above them that disappears when the person sits down, as they then embody it. Words like Compassion, Fun!, Love, etc. )
Iliana Paravane: No idea!
Jesa Li: : )
Iliana Paravane: I set the time limit to an hour and a half but I have no idea what I’m gonna say yet or how many questions there’ll be or whatever.
Iliana Paravane: Not longer than that.
Jesa Li: whee!
Iliana Paravane:
Jesa Li: spontaniety!
Iliana Paravane: It’ll prolly just take me 10 – 15 minutes to say what I’m gonna say, then it’ll be Q&A discussion fun.
Iliana Paravane: Yep! I really mess stuff up when I get too structured.
Iliana Paravane: Welcome Nea.
Iliana Paravane: Pick out whichever seat you like!
Nea Leigh: Hello I’m new so I will just listen thank you
Iliana Paravane: This is gonna be a text only discussion class thang – I will be creating a log and putting it up for anyone that may want it later.
Iliana Paravane: ‘kay! Listening sounds great!
Iliana Paravane: Looks like we’re about ready!
Iliana Paravane: All right, I would like everyone to take a look around the room for a moment. Just check out people’s names and faces. Get a feel for who is here with us.
Iliana Paravane: Now I would like you to close your eyes for just a moment, take a deeeeeep breath, wriggle your shoulders and toes a bit and get in touch with You.
Iliana Paravane: Sweeeet
Iliana Paravane: Welcome, everyone! I’m Iliana Paravane, and I am the person who brought the Wake Up and Smell the Bliss Center into being.
Iliana Paravane: I would like to go around the circle starting on my left, and ask that everyone introduce themselves! Just say your name, and something interesting – anything!
Iliana Paravane: Welcome, Lester, grab a seat – we’re just getting started.
Sly Matahari: My name is Sly, and I am here to find peace
Iliana Paravane smiles, “Welcome, Sly! Glad you can are here.
Iliana Paravane looks to Katherine.
Gaia Granada: I am Gaia and I am the happy wanderer.
Katherine Barth: Hi .. Im Katherine.. and I worry too much
Lester Partch: Greetings im lester and I had a really bad day
Iliana Paravane smiles, “Welcome Katherine! Me too You’re in the right place. ” … “Hi Gaia! Sweeeeet “
Glorfindel Arrow: I’m Glorfindel… I’m doing an infromal tour of groups in Sl
Iliana Paravane: Nice, Glorfindel!
Calista Reatequi: okay, i’ll take a turn, i’m calista and when i wiggled my toes and shoulders..i found out that i feel real heavy today …looks puzzled
Iliana Paravane:
Iliana Paravane: Good to suddenly get in touch with your body, huh Calista? Interesting what it tells us when we remember to listen!
Calista Reatequi: so true
Adora Nozaki: Hello, I’m Adora. I just started SL yesterday.
Jesa Li: I’m Jesa, and I’ve had a very strange day, but good
Nea Leigh: Hi, I’m Nea and am also looking around, this seem like a very good start
Iliana Paravane smiles, “Welcome to SL Adora! This place is SO cool – you’re gonna love it here “
Iliana Paravane: Hi Nea! Happy you’re here!
Cardea Cloetens: Hi, my name is Cardea – from the Goddess Cardea, ruler of doorways and thresholds.
Iliana Paravane grins at Jesa, “Strange, huh? Well, let’s cap that off, hehehe “
Cardea Cloetens: I’m looking for new doorways through which to travel.
Iliana Paravane turns her head to nod to Cardea, “Niiiiice…”
Jesa Li: figured so
Jesa Li: : )
Iliana Paravane looks in the back to Lester, “Did you want to introduce yourself?”
Cardea Cloetens:
Lester Partch: i did
Iliana Paravane: Oh!
Katherine Barth:
Katherine Barth: /hug
Katherine Barth: he had a bad day
Iliana Paravane looks up in history, she totally missed it!
Iliana Paravane smiles, nodding to Lester and seeing it now. “I think you’ll feel at least a bit better by the time you leave. I have a kitty avatar of my own, by the way. “
Iliana Paravane: Welcome, Grantiferus! Have a seat anywhere
Iliana Paravane: We were just introducing ourselves and adding something interesting. Would you like to as well?
Iliana Paravane: And welcome, Fox! Grab a seat
Fox Obviate: sure, having some lag related issues at the moment
Iliana Paravane: No worries
Iliana Paravane: Welcome, Adeptus. Have the last seat
Iliana Paravane: Fox, Grantiferus, Adeptus – we just went around the circle and introduced ourselves. Would you like to do the same before I get started? Just your name, and something interesting.
Fox Obviate: ok, I will start.
Iliana Paravane:
Fox Obviate: as you can see, I am Fox Obviate, and I am here not because I am conversant in meditation or the healing arts, but precisely because I am not. I am here to learn. Iliana has been quite beneficial to that process.
Iliana Paravane smiles. “Glad you’re here, Fox!”
Fox Obviate: thank you.
Grantiferus Lightfoot: I am sorry to be a little late had no idea about this until a moment ago
Iliana Paravane: No worries at all! Perfect timing.
Grantiferus Lightfoot: I am Grantiferus and my life is healing work both worlds
Iliana Paravane: Niiiice
Iliana Paravane smiles and looks to Adeptus.
Adeptus Brenner: Im new in this world… about 4 days, a clairvoyant and spiritual healer
Adeptus Brenner: and make a living as a web designer
Iliana Paravane: Awesome! Welcome to SL!
Adeptus Brenner: thanks
Iliana Paravane: So! We begin.
Iliana Paravane: How many of you are familiar with Martha Beck and the book Finding Your Own North Star?
Lester Partch: ?
Iliana Paravane: Hehehe
Jesa Li: not
Cardea Cloetens: Not familiar – until your email.
Calista Reatequi: not
Adeptus Brenner: ?
Nea Leigh: Not
Iliana Paravane: Cool – then no one will correct me as I re-write her work
Jesa Li: lol
(Author’s Note – lol means Laugh Out Loud )
Calista Reatequi: lol
Cardea Cloetens: Excellent.
Iliana Paravane: This is based loosely on her book. I.e. I read it, grabbed some cool stuff out of it, and wanted to share it with others because it’s so useful!
Iliana Paravane: I got the sense that yes, you can write a whole book around the single incredible tidbit of info, but it took like 100 pages to get there and…well, I’m just gonna give you the best parts
Iliana Paravane: To be true, the book’s awesome, recommend it highly and I got a lot out of it. But here’s the main idea:
Iliana Paravane: That we all have an internal North Star, a guidance system that will lead us to our highest happines, our highest expression of ourSelves and lead us to our joy – every time.
Iliana Paravane: Now, Calista mentioned her body, and coming back into tune with it.
Iliana Paravane: This north star resides on many levels. Emotional. Mental. Physical. Spiritual. Whichever level you feel most comfortable with is where this phenomena will present itself.
Iliana Paravane: So, it’s up to you to find this in yourself. There’s No Wrong Way to do this, first of all.
Iliana Paravane: The primary … function is pretty simple. It is Yes, or No.
Iliana Paravane: Yes, I am heading toward my highest joy. Or No, I am not.
Iliana Paravane looks to Grantiferus
Grantiferus Lightfoot: yes
Iliana Paravane: Yes is good!
Iliana Paravane: Looked like you were saying something
Grantiferus Lightfoot: lol YES
Iliana Paravane continues!
Iliana Paravane: Hehehe
Iliana Paravane: So! Back to Yes you are or No you’re not. We’re starting out simple here on purpose.
Iliana Paravane: Your guidance system is, in fact, multi-layered and full of facets and subltle nuances, but, simple is good for starters.
Iliana Paravane: We’ll begin here…and then you can play with it and find what works best for you!
Iliana Paravane: So… I said that there are many different ways in which this works – that it can show up in the body, mind, emotions and/or soul. It is likely that you are most comfortable working on one of these levels.
Iliana Paravane: Likely, you are comfortable working on all of them to some degree! But, it is probable that there is one in which you are strongest. You really spend a lot of time in your body, mind, emotions or working with spiritual schtuff.
Iliana Paravane: Everyone with me so far?
Adora Nozaki: Yes
Katherine Barth: nods yes
Iliana Paravane: Sweet
Sly Matahari: yes
Adeptus Brenner: yes
Fox Obviate: yes.
Gaia Granada: yes
Lester Partch: uh huh
Cardea Cloetens: yes
Glorfindel Arrow: yes
Iliana Paravane: Take a moment, go within, and figure out which of these you are most comfortable working with. Mind, Body, Emotions, Spirit.
Iliana Paravane: There’s no wrong way to do this, like I already said – and you can switch at any time. This, again, is giving you somewhere to start.
Calista Reatequi: question
Iliana Paravane: Yes?
Calista Reatequi: i tend to be a “head” or mind person thru necessity, but it can trick me…hmm…so do not choose that one?
Calista Reatequi: even though it may be my most familiar…sighs
Iliana Paravane: Hehehee – your question is full of your mind giong in circles
Calista Reatequi: yes, exactly
Calista Reatequi: lololol
Iliana Paravane: How do you feel? My gut instinct is to tell you to focus on a very grounded part of you – your body.
Calista Reatequi: ahhh
Iliana Paravane: You got in touch with it a moment ago and it spoke to you. That may be a good place to start.
Calista Reatequi: ty
Iliana Paravane: k!
Iliana Paravane: Any other questions?
Iliana Paravane continues.
Iliana Paravane: So! Body, mind, emotions or spirit. We’re there. Yes, or No. We’re there. Now how does this – work – exactly?
Iliana Paravane: What will lead you to your highest joy will feel like a relaxation. What will lead you toward something you don’t actually want to experience, will feel like a clench.
Iliana Paravane: It takes You choosing to Focus in on your Chosen mode of North Starness. By choosing to focus, you Will receive your answer.
Iliana Paravane: Often times, we receive even when we don’t choose to focus. Phrases like, “Gut instinct.” or “My heart knew what to do…”
Iliana Paravane: Or like, “I KNEW I shouldn’t have done that!”
Iliana Paravane: Hehehe. I experienced a lot of the ‘I knew I shouldn’t have done that!’ before I began to see a pattern.
Jesa Li: *chuckles*
Iliana Paravane: So, a brief exercise to put this into play and give you a feel for what ti’s like.
Iliana Paravane: You are walking down a path in the woods.
Iliana Paravane: It’s nice out. You’re totally safe. You come to a fork in the road. To the left you see a lake. To the right you see a mountain. Ahead of you, more forest. Behind you – you already know what’s there. Walk this in your mind…be there. Stand at the crossroads.
Iliana Paravane: Look left.
Iliana Paravane: Look right.
Iliana Paravane: Look ahead.
Iliana Paravane: Look behind.
Iliana Paravane: ONE of these will feel more relaxed to you than the others. And one will likely feel more clenched than any of the others.
Iliana Paravane: (Welcome, Sebastian, ahve a seat!)
Sebastian Hickman: why thank you
Iliana Paravane: Now, there is no set path for everyone.
Iliana Paravane: Each person is here to express their individuality.
Iliana Paravane: Now. *grin*
Iliana Paravane: Imagine your mother, or your father, standing next to you.
Iliana Paravane: They’re pointing in a different direction than what you felt was most relaxed.
You decline Someplace Else Club & Mall, Asadal (71, 60, 82) from A group member named Louis Volare.
Iliana Paravane: Now *This* is where people get confused.
Iliana Paravane: This is where the north-star-o-meter goes wonky and most people forget they have it. That’s defintely what happened to me.
Iliana Paravane: My parents pointed left, I wanted to go right. I went left. I ttotally disregarded everything all of my parts were saying to me and went the way that I was told would make me happy, not the way my guidance told me to go.
Iliana Paravane: 10 years later, I figured it out
Iliana Paravane: So, that is a lot to swallow there! A last point I wanted to be sure to make is – You can never be unhappy enough to make someone happy.
Iliana Paravane: So let’s drop back to the fork in the road, now. Left, right, ahead, back. Does anyone wnat to comment on what they experienced?
Cardea Cloetens: Strong pull to the lake.
Calista Reatequi: myself as well
Iliana Paravane nods to Cardea, “Describe what the strong pull felt like?”
Jesa Li: oh, the lake has a lovely boat and a gateway beyond – very enticing
Iliana Paravane:
Cardea Cloetens: More open – relaxation – I’m having some pain right now – but some release of that pain with the lake.
Iliana Paravane smiles, nodding to Cardea, and then to Calista, “Calista, how did it feel?”
Iliana Paravane: How did your body feel upon looking at the lake.
Iliana Paravane: And how did your mind feel.
Calista Reatequi: it was a longing, a need to go there, i could see the light dancing off the surface of the lake
Iliana Paravane: Sweeeeet
Calista Reatequi: my mind felt peaceful…and then quickly delighted
Iliana Paravane: Sweet!
Calista Reatequi: and my body didn’t feel so heavy
Calista Reatequi: lol
Iliana Paravane: The delight and then the rush is you saying Yes.
Iliana Paravane: You saying Yes to your own north star.
Iliana Paravane: The rush comes – often times a sense of ‘can I really do that?!’ – when we say yes to our own highest aspirations.
Nea Leigh: I’m currently experience the fork but what if those thinggs that you were taught are strong enough to make the “lake” look turbulent?
Lester Partch: get a surf board?
Iliana Paravane nods to Nea, and nods to Adeptus too, who she does see typing and hasn’t forgotten. “Which did you choose, mind, body, emotions or spirit?”
Adora Nozaki: Sorry, I have to leave now. Thank you for the class, and have a good time everyone.
Iliana Paravane smiles, waving to Adora, “Good to have you here!”
Adora Nozaki: /wave
Calista Reatequi: /waves
Adeptus Brenner: mind …. looked back and what was behind was so far I couldnt see it … right and left had road blocks and straight ahead was bright light
Cardea Cloetens: Bye Adora.
Iliana Paravane waits for Nea as well
Calista Reatequi: funny how it never occured to me to look back at all
Iliana Paravane:
Nea Leigh: sorry?
Cardea Cloetens: Looking back for me was a clench – most certainly.
Calista Reatequi: i couldn’t do it
Calista Reatequi: lol
Calista Reatequi: i thought, been there, done that
Calista Reatequi: lol
Iliana Paravane: Did you choose mind, body, emotoins or spirit as your primary guidance, Nea?
Nea Leigh: I chose mind and that has been my problem
Iliana Paravane nods. And nods against to Adeptus. She’ll return to him!
Iliana Paravane: Yes…the things you’ve been taught could be given the title ‘Mother’ or ‘Father’. We’re taught to ignore our guidance, basically. To conform, becaues people want to keep us safe and for any other number of reasons.
Iliana Paravane: We’re taught to think of others first. Taught to be afraid first, and trust ourselves second.
Iliana Paravane: This is only something you can perceive within yourself – certainlyu SOME of these teachings serve a puropse. Only you can discern which ones. I would recommend, for now, choosing a different guidance system other than the mind, Nea… How about the body, like Calista, or the emotoins?
Iliana Paravane: Come in, Alex, if you would like! Have a seat!
Nea Leigh: I’m trying hard to change my paradigms without getting myself in deep trouble, I feeel my teaching said go to the lake is safe, might not be all you want but is safe, now that mountain….
Sebastian Hickman: sup alex
Iliana Paravane grins, nodding.
Alex Bradley: hello
Nea Leigh: that mountain looks interesting but why do you want to get in that trouble
Iliana Paravane: Basically I’m saying – for just a moment, just long enough to entertain the barest possiblity of something diferent, something new – ignore everything anyone has ever told you.
Iliana Paravane: Now look left. Look right. Look behind you. Look ahead. And listen to your chosen guidance system without thinking. It only takes 1 second, and once you hear it, you can’t unhear it. You can Choose not to listen, but you have heard.
Alex Bradley: Hello, I’m very late, just exploring, and dont want to interupt your session
Iliana Paravane: No worries at all, Alex. You are late, and most of this may make no sense to you, but you’re welcome to have a seat anyway!
Iliana Paravane: Maybe you’ll hear something intresting, and the log will be available tomorrow for those who wan ti.t:)
Iliana Paravane turns back to Nea.
Nea Leigh: Iliana I’m with you in the theory but is very difficult yet to look away to that defines you
Nea Leigh: the teaching become part of who you r
Iliana Paravane smiles, nodding. “I know…though the essential self still lies beneath, and it will speak to you when you choose to listen. I’m
Gaia Granada: I am guided by spirit I think.
Iliana Paravane: going to move back to Adeptus now, if that’s all right?
Gaia Granada: and would be drawn to the mountain.
Iliana Paravane: Nice, Gaia.
Iliana Paravane scrolls up, searching for what Adeptus said. 1 sec
Cardea Cloetens: …bright light ahead…
Cardea Cloetens: …forest of bright light…
Iliana Paravane nods to him, “The road blocks are interesting! Is that, you feel, your guidance being (thanks, Cardea!) incredibly straightforward clear with you?
Adeptus Brenner: yes … a spiritual teacher was showing me this (spirit teacher)
Iliana Paravane: Nice!
Iliana Paravane: So!
Iliana Paravane: This guidance system works on all levels of expression and creation of experience in your world. Things you do, things you say – next time you feel a bit of a clench just before you’re about to say something…wait a moment to see what happens.
Iliana Paravane: Often times you’ll be glad you didn’t speak. If you’re about to turn a particular directoin, or do a particular thing and you feel an opening, a relaxing within, even though all logic says, “Are you NUTs?!” … allow yourself to bask in that and rest assured in that. It really does work, it really is that easy… we just more than half the time don’t listen to it speaking to us.
Iliana Paravane: I am going to totally open this up, now, to questions or comments or anything at al
Lester Partch: gtg, ty
Cardea Cloetens: I’ve taken that a step further – if there is an interruption externally – like a crash of dishes in a restaurant – right when I’m saying something – I’ll re-think it.
Iliana Paravane: Heee, I know just what you mean, Cardea! Or if everything is just going WRONG as you’re trying to do something… maaaybe you should be doing something else
Cardea Cloetens: Well *that* feels how my life is right now. And I do not know what my next move is…funny you should mention that…
Iliana Paravane:
Cardea Cloetens: Hence my presence here…
Iliana Paravane: I’ve found that when that happens, the key is to STOP where you are.
Cardea Cloetens: …listening…
Iliana Paravane: Breath, and give yourself time to get, actually, bored!
Calista Reatequi: hmmm
Cardea Cloetens: slow it down….
Calista Reatequi: lol
Iliana Paravane: We often distract ourselves right out of the guidance we’re hearing because – it’s scary!
Cardea Cloetens: Opposite of panic – which is clearly my current m.o.
Cardea Cloetens: Listening…
Iliana Paravane: Logic says Nooooo!!! You’ll – starve to death, get fired, blah blah blah, you obviously haven’t a clue what you’re doing, you know what you rmom always said, your friend did this and failed, etc. etc.
Iliana Paravane: Your guidance is saying YES! Yesyesyeesyesyes already listen to me yESYES!
Iliana Paravane: When you STOP long enough to get bored – stop the distractions that serve to drown out guidance – you end up listening and realizing that it has a point afterall
Nea Leigh: I never heard it that wya before, I like it…until you get bored….mmmm
Iliana Paravane: Now you can meditate if you want. But all *I’m* saying is get bored. Turn off the computer, the tv, the radio, put away the books, don’t go out with your friends or whatever. Sit there and be bored.
Iliana Paravane: Yep.
Iliana Paravane: It’ll drive you nuts!
Iliana Paravane: And then…you’ll suddenly encounter this peace you haven’t felt in a long tim.
Iliana Paravane: That’s when the real work (and fun) begins.
Cardea Cloetens: Letting time expand…
Iliana Paravane:
Iliana Paravane: It’ll be as if you catch up with yourself. And in a very real way, you likely have been running from yourself.
Cardea Cloetens: This is valuable.
Iliana Paravane: (I do this all the time and have re-learned this lesson repeatedly. Just a couple weeks ago, in fact! )
Iliana Paravane: Sweeeeet
Iliana Paravane: Any other questions? Comments? Revelations?
Calista Reatequi: i had someone share something with me recently that has been helping me get the day started….hmmm
Iliana Paravane: Neat, Calista! Whatsit?
Calista Reatequi: and what i do, is i start thinking of all the many things that i have in my life…even if i don’t “see it” yet…
Iliana Paravane: Niiiiice
Calista Reatequi: that i am grateful for…..so appreciative for…..and i get into the “feeling” place with it
Iliana Paravane: I did that before I came here tonight, envisioning smooth converstaion, enlightening fun and every seat filled.
Calista Reatequi: and it sure does kick start the days generally…lol
Iliana Paravane: Yeah!
Calista Reatequi: and you had every seat taken )
Iliana Paravane: My husband and I do what we call Gratefuls every night. Great way to end the day, too!
Calista Reatequi: yes, it is
Iliana Paravane: Yup! *beams proudly* They were!
Calista Reatequi: i sleep better when i do
Iliana Paravane: Me too
Cardea Cloetens: Note to self: remember gratitude….
Calista Reatequi: and it does set up a nice beat to your life
Calista Reatequi: well, i decided to try something Cardea
Jesa Li: gratitude is literally the center of my meditation practice : )
Iliana Paravane: Getting to the feeling place really is HUGE. THAT is where the manifestation power of law of attraction really comes into play. E-motion, energy in motion, and where focus goes, energy flows.
Calista Reatequi: i filled myself with such joy…and then walked to work…about half an hour jaunt….and this is what i saw
Iliana Paravane: That’s so awesome, Jesa.
Calista Reatequi: people would look at me and just start to smile
Iliana Paravane: Wow, Calista! I bet!
Cardea Cloetens: Very positive.
Calista Reatequi: i would catch them being surprised at their reactions to my “joy”
Calista Reatequi: lolol
Iliana Paravane: Hehehehe
Cardea Cloetens: A funny hat can help with that, too
Iliana Paravane: ‘wait a second, I was deep into my grump here, what happened – how dare you throw off my groove!’
Calista Reatequi: i simply need to remember this all the time……sighs at her own humanness
Cardea Cloetens: Thanks – that’s a beautiful image.
Jesa Li: lol @ “simply”
Iliana Paravane: Welcome, Garth! We’re just wrapping up.
Garth Goode: Ah well.
Iliana Paravane: Hehehe Jesa, yes. I forget that often, myself. Oh yeah, I *am* human.
Calista Reatequi: yes Jesa…simply…6 letters…such a challenging word
Jesa Li: it was interesting for me – three ways were clearly blocked – and I have been feeling quite blocked in all directions. But there *was* a way open and easy… I only need to find/follow that way – and it could be obvious when I look at it this way
Iliana Paravane: (I liked the funny hat comment )
Calista Reatequi: feels so excited at Jesa’s revelation
Iliana Paravane smiles, nodding to Jesa, “Yes… “
Iliana Paravane: We make things hard for ourselves, hehehe
Iliana Paravane: That whole Human thing again
Jesa Li: it’s such aa human thing to do : )
Iliana Paravane:
Calista Reatequi: yes
Calista Reatequi: hmm
Calista Reatequi: my body never leads me wrong….my mind tricks me
Iliana Paravane smiles up at Sebastian. “You may wanna turn off your flight assist before you brain yourself. “
Calista Reatequi: i thought there was a mad fly in the house
Iliana Paravane: Hehehe. There was
Calista Reatequi: poor thing
Iliana Paravane smiles as the energy begins to wind down.
Iliana Paravane: Focus with me for a moment on everyone here. Look in turn at each person for a moment. Their name, their face. Their presence.
Iliana Paravane: Then once again focus on yourself. Wriggles those toes. Shrug your shoulders a bit…
Iliana Paravane: And welcome back. It has been so awesome to share space with all of you! Thank you for doing me the honor of allowing me to experience sharing my joy.
Jesa Li: Thank *you*!
Cardea Cloetens: Thank you Illiana – blessings to you and to you all.
Gaia Granada: It has been nice to be here.
Iliana Paravane: Yeah! This has been fun.
Adeptus Brenner: thank u for a great class… teacher
Calista Reatequi: thank you so much for having this
Jesa Li: It has – peaceful and illuminating : )
Calista Reatequi: you are a wonderful teacher
Iliana Paravane: We’ll be doing this every Tuesday night at the same time on different subjects each time.
Iliana Paravane: Oh, thanks!
Nea Leigh: Thank you Ileane et all, was a very insightful experience
Iliana Paravane: Feel free to throw money at the tip jar if you like! It’ll go toward rent.
Iliana Paravane releases the energy of the session.
Adeptus Brenner: wiil do
Cardea Cloetens: A worthy cause
Iliana Paravane: Thank you kindly!
Calista Reatequi: um, this is a group?
Gaia Granada: well bye everyone
Iliana Paravane: Yup! Wake up and Smell the Bliss Group.
Gaia Granada: iwill comeback
Iliana Paravane: Bye! Awesome, Gaia!
Jesa Li: bye Gaia : )
Calista Reatequi: and i do what to join please?
Calista Reatequi: ta for now Gaia
Calista Reatequi: nice meeting you Nea
Iliana Paravane: I’ll send you an invite!
Adeptus Brenner: nice meeting all
Iliana Paravane: Anyone else intereted in joining the group while I’m here?
Calista Reatequi: i would like that
Cardea Cloetens: Nice meeting all, too
Calista Reatequi: nice meeting you too Adeptus
Nea Leigh: thank you calista nice to meet you too
Gaia Granada: yes i would like to join
Cardea Cloetens: looking for tip jar…
Adeptus Brenner: what all does the group do
Cardea Cloetens: Ah…here we go.
Nea Leigh: Iliana I would like to join too please
Iliana Paravane: Okay! Tip jar is by the door
Cardea Cloetens: Fun!
Gaia Granada: are you liosted in groups?
Gaia Granada: listed
Cardea Cloetens: Good bye to all for now
Iliana Paravane: Bye!
Jesa Li: bye Cardea : 0
Iliana Paravane: Okay, I think I got everyone
Gaia Granada: thank you!
Calista Reatequi: ty so much
Calista Reatequi: and we shall meet again )
Nea Leigh: Great thank you
Iliana Paravane: My pleasure!
Iliana Paravane: Looking forward to it
Calista Reatequi: me as well
Iliana Paravane:
Nea Leigh: Thank you very much
Iliana Paravane: Thank you!
Jesa Li: I’v enjoyed this very much : )
Iliana Paravane: Sweeeeeeet
Iliana Paravane: Me too.

Two Unexpected Essentials for Living a Joyous Life: Boredom and Selfishness

I’ve run into a couple belief systems in myself that I realized no longer served! They are, the idea that if you’re bored, something is wrong. And, that selfishness is bad. Here’s what I’ve discovered…

Boredom

We live in a very gogogo society. Constantly on the move. Workworkwork, dododo. I am finding that it is so essential to take the time to stop, look around and just Be. To give myself time to get bored, and just be who I am.

We’re always so run run run, never taking time to look at where we are, where we’ve been – and where we’ld like to go. We just gogogogoggo, eyes always on the prize, distracting ourselves from those things that bother us. We’ve developed the idea that if we feel bad it just means that we’re missing something – that we haven’t done enough. That we must Make more Plans. Set More Goals. Get Stuff Done. We have come to believe that we’ll feel better if we Do More. I am actually coming to find that the opposite is true.

So many great things happened in my life all at once – big things, with much action around them and constant involvement and draws upon my attention during all my waking hours. And this was awesome! It was all great stuff! And I gogogo and diddidid for over a whole month, happily filling every moment with more and more stuff.

And then I began to get irritable. I began to get ’strung out’ and unable to fully focus. I couldn’t figure out what was wrong because, well, nothing was wrong! All was right with the world and I was running around happily, doing all kinds of wonderful things with the Wake Up and Smell the Bliss Center, making new friends, meeting people.

My irritiability became strong enough that I realized it had begun to have strong effect on my life, *and* I wasn’t enjoying much of anything at all anymore. It was all just another drain on my focus. “Oh God,” I would feel myself say, “Another fun and exciting experience?”

This was totally anti-intuitive to my mind, because I had thought I had been seeking fun and exciting experiences that engaged my heart, mind, body and soul. And yet here I was, irritated at the entire world, and sick at the idea of even just a single new wonderful experience. This made no sense to me whatsoever, so I forged on ahead, finding bigger and better more wonderfuller things to do.
The weirdest (and most telling) thing was that this loss of balance manifested itself in the form of my feeling that no one cared about me. That no one appreciated me, or saw me or even knew that I was there. What had happened was – I wasn’t taking the time to care about me. To appreciate me or see myself or acknowledge the fact that I was. I had become a Do-er.

And then I (finally) hit wall the other night. The whole world became a nails on chalkboard experience and I didn’t want anything to do with it. So I unplugged. I sat. I slept. I stopped Doing and started Being. It felt weird to allow myself to stop long enough to get bored, but that’s what it took to reconnect with the core of who I am.

Upon reconnecting it was as if I was gasping! Like the Do-ing had been an unending outbreath, as if I had never taken the pause at the bottom of the breath necessary to breath in again! I made all kinds of connections in myself in an incredibly short span of time, as if some kind of internal maintenance system had been waiting for that pause at the bottom of the breath to do *its* thing.

Only a few hours of single pointed focus on not doing anything other than Being was enough to come back to center and See again, and begin to breath in. To begin once again to appreciate all the people around me and the experiences I am having.

Without that vital pause, as wonderful as everything was, it all became meaningless at best and irritating and grating at worst.

I realize I did this to myself a LOT when I was in college. I was so very ANGRY. Angry at the world, angry for my life not going like I expected. I didn’t want to deal with this and so I distracted myself. More classes. More parties. More friends. Dododododo. Maybe if I do more I’ll have more, and if I have more I’ll be happy.

I never stopped long enough to check in with myself. I never paused to rest and recenter. To check my compass, get my bearings, and decide what happiness actually looked like. I just kept running toward the old picture of what I believed it was, frantic and panicked, thinking that if I stopped running ’something’ would catch up to me, and I would cease to exist.

I am finding…the opposite is true. If you runrunrun to the exclusion of all else – you end up going a long way in the wrong direction because pausing to check your bearings is essential. We don’t have omni-perspective, and as we get closer to our previously defined goal of what Happiness looks like – it changes. It moves. It becomes something else.

This isn’t failure. Taking the pause, being willing to trust that things aren’t going to fall apart while you give yourself time to experience the bottom of the breath, is something we have come to fear as a collective, especially in the U.S. If you aren’t Doing and Having, then you aren’t Successful. Work now, Be later. Work real hard now so later you’ll have time to enjoy yourself.

The thing is…when’s later? What if later is Right Now and we’re so tired from running with out pause that we miss it even in the middle of experiencing it?

That’s what happened to me. Even when all is right with the world and in perfection, there is still such thing as too much of a good thing, when one doesn’t pause long enough to gain a wide enough perspective to appreciate where they’ve been, where they are, and to savor the choosing of where they want to go next.

Selfishness

Now here’s one that I found majorly unexpected! Selfishness! Yes, selfishness is an essential part of joyously living life. It’s gotten a really bad rap, perhaps from the entire martyrdom thing, I dunno… Self sacrifice, however, makes no sense no matter how you look at it. Truly being there for others involves having enough of yourself left to give, and it starts with the well known phrase, ‘My cup runneth over.’

On airplanes, the safety rules are always to take care of yourself in the event of an emergency, before you take care of your child or those with you in need of help. And yet we’re taught that to take care of ourselves is selfish. To do what we want when we want to do it and not put others first is greedy.

That if you’re doing something for yourself you obviously haven’t thought of others first, are selfish and unkind. And yet this is how we are wired to act. Our North-Star-O-Meter, as per Finding Your Own North Star, is an inborn guidance system for our highest potential and greatest expression of Self. It automatically takes the welfare of others into account when it prompts us to action, and yet we, for some reason, often don’t trust this.

We want to go spend time with a friend. We want to take the day off work. We want to go left. We want to stop here, and go there. And constantly we second guess this, trusting in the idea that Good People are always thinking of Others First more than we trust in our own divine guidance system. For some reason we think we won’t do the right thing unless someone is keeping tabs on us, and so we trust in an idea or rule, rather than in what our own soul is telling us.

This couldn’t be farther from the truth. To sacrifice yourself, to not do that thing you want to do because some part of you is popping up in your head telling you to do so would be selfish, is to give of yourself more than you have to give. When it comes down to it, acting in your own best self interests will benefit everyone else 200 times more than anything you could consciously decide to not allow yourself to do for the sake of someone else.

By cutting yourself off from your own joy, you’re not doing anyone else any favors. In fact, you’re doing the opposite, squeezing off your own connection to your own essential self by not acting in your best interests. By not being selfish, you can become self sacrificing, and in doing so you begin to wither from lack of love of self.

Acting in opposition to the societal normal requires trust. It requires the need to care more about what you think of youreslf than what others think of you, in a given moment. When you turn a friend down for lunch because you just want to sit and stare at a wall – who does this? Almost no one. We’ll say yes because we don’t want to hurt our friend’s feelings.

Yet, when you pay attention to your own desires, when you put yourself first – when you are selfish – your cup will naturally begin to run over, and you will naturally begin to give of yourself. You will because you want to, not because you have to, are expected to, or think you should.

We’ve come to think that we’ll be horrible greedy monsters if we give ourselves what we want. Unruly children. That society would just fall apart and anarchy would rule. This couldn’t be farther from the truth. When everyone turns to themselves and asks, “What do I really want, in this moment?” and then gives themselves permission and trusts themselves and loves themselves enough to allow themselves to have it – to know that this thing they want so much is actually for the highest good – I believe that that is when peace on earth will begin to flourish.

When we return to loving others, by loving ourselves first.