At the most recent Abraham-Hicks meetup, we were talking a bit about money, and bringing in abundance… And I had the sudden realization that when it comes to random abundance, like cars or winning contests or radio interviews or astrology readings or you name it – I’m pretty good at asking for those, and then letting them in. You expect it, and it comes. Money though…

Money is a totally different subject… Here’s some audio I recorded a few days ago that pretty much sums things up when it comes to my relationship with money:

“Money is one of the hardest the hardest things to manifest. It makes sense as far as so many people apparently having difficulty with it who are specficially using abraham, law of attraction techniques. The reson I find it so difficult is that I don’t find it possible. The whole group consicousness revolves around the idea that you need to work hard to have money. That you need to be unhappy, to have money. That it doesn’t just fall in your lap.

Now, the other stuff like people and radio interviews, those kind of have not been addressed by the group consciousness as far as that’s possible. That’s fallen through the cracks – getting random stuff that’s really cool is great! You’re ‘lucky’. And so, that’s relatively easy for me… it’s ‘possible’.

But money, there’s all this baggage around it that I’ve bought into. I don’t think you can get money without working hard and not being happy, heh. Working hard, meaning, basically, doing something you dont enjoy and doing it a lot. For me, when I’m doing something, intense as it might be, I never consider it work – not when I’m happy. I’m playing.

Now money, money involves work which brings about being unhappy. They’re indelibly linked in my mind, and I’m not interested in being unhappy. If you’re not unhappy it’s not work and only work deserves money. So – I have no money. o.O So… I just need to undo these beliefs, that’s it. It’s not a big deal. I’m just tied into the group consciousness’ beliefs on this. And, I need to let that go somehow. So, how do I turn that around?

I can look at stories of people who got rich quick. Hm, no, in my mind, all those stories end badly, heh. My belief right now is that all those people who got rich quick ended up being miserable and were better off without it anyway. So no get rich quick stories.

Perhaps there’s a well out there of law of attraction money generating stories. Listening to those would be the best thing I could do for myself.”

So, that’s what I did. I looked up stories. Found a neat guy’s site called the Million Dollar Experiment and really resonated with a lot of what he was saying. I thought about it, began becoming easy with receiving money…showing gratitude for even tiny little influxes…

And suddenly I had two different people send me $ in appreciation of what I’m doing – about 25 times more $ than I have gottten used to expecting. o.O

My reaction? Terror. o.O I felt like I had been sucker punched both times. Hard to breath, and I wanted to throw my hands up and just cry and make it go away. I’ve been mulling over this crazy reaction, thinking about it, and realized that I have had this reaction in the past, too – it’s just not triggered very often.

When someone gives me something that’s WAY unexpected and beyond anything I have yet to experience… I feel like curling up into a tiny ball and crying until it goes away even as I’m saying ‘Yes!’ at the same exact instant. It’s like I’m afraid if I accept I’ll be hurt or something? Maybe there’s some deeply buried childhood trauma at work, here…

I have NO idea. But, it was so unexpected that I figured I would just go ahead and write about it now while it’s still fresh. We’ll see what happens! I don’t plan to let this one go – it’s definitely not serving me any longer.