Wanting vs. Having

One of the most basic rules of consciously manifesting what you desire using the Law of Attraction is getting out of the space of Wanting and getting into the space of HAVING. When you’re in the space of Wanting – you get more of exactly what you’re vibing to: Wanting. You want and want and want…and want and want, and continue wanting, getting exactly what it is you’re focusing on: How much you want X.

When you’re doing this, what you want is still in your sphere. That new car is floating around out there, being created by your thoughts and perpetually held out of your reach because you’ve decided you want to focus on Wanting more than Having, for the moment. When something you’ve been wanting does show up, without your ever moving into the space of Having, it’s because you’ve forgotten to be in a space of Wanting for just long enough for it to sneak in and come to you anyway. You were focused somewhere else.

Yeah, you can Want with all your heart and then distract yourself until it shows up – but why not speed the process? The trick is – want just long enough to figure out exactly what it is you desire, and then quickly move yourself into the vibe of Having.

How in the world do you do That??

Visulization. Imagination. Daydreaming. You know how you got in trouble as a kid for daydreaming? Well, it ends up that daydreaming is, in actuality, one of the most productive ways you can spend your time!

Imagine yourself already having what it is you desire, in as much depth and with as much feeling as you can sum up. Details are key – bring in those senses. Smell that New Car Smell (you know you can buy new car smell in a bottle? No joke! I saw it in the store and it was called, surprisingly enough, New Car Scent. Hmmmmm ), feel that new car. What’s it like to drive that new car? Imagine imagine imagine, vibe vibe vibe.

Surround yourself with things that get you in tune with what it actually feels like to HAVE that new car. Mock up your own license plate online (I actually did this – s’how I manifested *my* new car!) and put it up as your wallpaper on your computer. Imagine it in place, imagine yourself looking at it on your new car, and the feeling of pride and accomplishment that goes with it.

Buy a little rear view mirror dangly for your new car and put it somewhere you see all the time.

17 seconds of pure positive HAVING vibe is enough to rocket your desire right in your direction – and it can be anything you can conceive of.

Do not, to the best of your ability, slip into wanting. You can undo accidental Wanting vibes by putting some more Having vibes out there, easily enough. It’s not as if you just undid all the work you’ve done – you just gave new instructions to the Universe for it to get started on. Revise those instructions and assure it that no, you don’t want to WANT a new car. You want to HAVE a new car.

Start with small things at first. Have fun with this. It is how we create our reality every day of our lives – we just usually aren’t aware of what we’re doing. Funny, huh? So, Wake Up and Smell the Bliss – Heaven IS on Earth, right under your nose, your eyes, your touch and your feelings – and especially your thoughts.

Oh, and for the record, my license plate? It’s THTCR8S. (Thought Creates)

(Further reading recommendations – anything from Abraham Hicks or Totally Unique Thoughts The daily notes and quotes put out by both sites are awesome for keeping one in a Having kinda place. )

A Day in the Life of Dawn’s Healing Journey

This morning I hurt a great deal. My shoulders and arms and hands – it got cold, and it hurt so much. All I wanted to do was run from it. I kept thinking, life would be so much easier, why can’t I just get rid of this already. Why can’t it just be gone? I had been wearing just a t-shirt (I had recently switched from wearing pants, a shirt, a sweater gloves and wrist bands and was quite proud of that fact) and got hot in the night and thrown the covers off… cold was rolling off the windows at the head of the bed and, well… it was creaking glass shards in the shoulders, elbows wrists and fingers by the time I woke up.

I was really angry and feeling stubborn. I had been so proud, able to remove the layers of clothing I usually wear. I didn’t want to give that up, yet a part of me was freaking out saying, “Back then, when you used to go to bed like this, if you got cold, you would put something on! Why are you being a dork?!” I didn’t feel like listening at all. I wasn’t willing to give up my ‘progress’ even though it made sense, and the idea that came to mind of sending love to hurting body parts that I had heard from someone the other day TOTALLY didn’t feel like a good idea at all. I realized there was a disconnect going on somewhere. I just didn’t know where…

So, I did a tarot reading for myself. A couple, in fact… and what it came down to was that I had very bravely chosen this painful experience for myself for a reason. It was a chance to gain in understanding, and to renew and strengthen my relationship with myself if I had the guts to continue.

Eh? So, I looked up joint pain in Louise Hay’s book, You Can Heal Your Life. ‘Fear of change’. Yes… I knew that, but it didn’t seem to apply. So I looked up pain. ‘Guilt. Always guilt looking for punishment.’

Eh? I was more confused than ever, but something about that resonated with me on a deep level. Guilt? What did I feel guilty about? Well, I sure felt guilty and angry at myself for creating all of this, that’s for sure. Anger, yes. Punishment…? I started casting back in my mind to all those times that I know I created dis-ease for myself. Fingers, wrists, elbows, shoulders… I could pinpoint them in time, to experiences where I was angry, bitter, and fearing change.

At this point the anger rose up in me. I was so fed up with myself! I had been such an idiot for SO long! It was such a tiny step, such an infinitesimally huge step, to move out of that dramadramadrama feed-the-dis-ease space that I was in…and I never took it. I was too busy making sure both I and everyone else knew that I deserved to feel angry and upset. For years. I mean come on, how stubborn can you be?! I yelled at myself. Screamed at myself in fact, revving up that anger huge big time.

Now, I did this knowing that healing was going to follow. My intention was to blast myself out of hiding to get at the root of what it was I was really angry about. To prod and poke and abuse myself until I finally got a reaction. Problem was? I got interrupted RIGHT then. Right just before I was about to get the cathartic reaction I was seeking…I had to go and be among people for two hours.

They saw a face of me not many people see, let me tell you. o.O I was SO angry. I was anger eagerly looking for a target. The anger had taken on a life of its own, out of my control. The whole world looked, simultaneously, like something to mock, and like something that was out to hurt me. Ugh. Just like old times! Just like I used to be.

It wasn’t fun.

By the time all was said and done I had calmed down a bit…and the edge was lost and I didn’t have enough energy to rev myself back up again. It was a very strange place to be… And, I was very tired because I had woken up so early from being in pain. I decided to take a nap. Maybe I would have crazy dreams, or wake up in a different space.

Well, Steve called and woke me up from a deep sleep. It was good – always happy to hear from him. And as I grabbed my phone I realized that my body felt much better. Almost all better, in fact, which I wasn’t expecting since holding strong emotions other than joy for any real length of time tends to make things hurt *more*. As I spoke with him, he asked me about my progress with coming to terms with charging money for healing work (now that’s definitely a subject for another blog entry ) and I told him I hadn’t made any – which irked me. I hadn’t realized I had yet to work with it…

Once I hung up with him I fell into a half awake, half asleep space. Good space for associative thought exercises, and so that’s what I did. I touched back in to where things had left off. I knew that something I had been working with was the back thing when I was a kid – my parents left me in pain for 7 years because they didn’t believe me when I told them about the pain that something was wrong. I almost ended up in a wheelchair because of this, and as you might imagine, it was pretty traumatic and had a big impact on me. I decided to see if I could use some of those mediumship skills I had learned in SpiritSpace, and reached out to tap into my parent’s vibe.

I got them easily enough, and I asked my dad what was up with the whole back thing. He basically said that he was afraid of it and just didn’t want to look at it. That he had spent his life up until I was born avoiding all forms of responsibility possible and that he wasn’t about to start if he didn’t have to. So he turned a blind eye to my pain. I had always gotten a sense that he never really wanted me in the first place, and so I asked him about that. He said, “It’s nothing personal. Your mom was all mine until you came along. I was free and happy and totally focused upon by your mother, and you represented the loss of those things that meant the most to me. It could have been anyone.”

I thought about this for a while… Then I checked in with my mom to see how she felt about my being born. She sent waves of love and cherishment and repeated the words on a card she sent me the year before she died. “Like a star falling from out of the blue, you appeared in my world, a gift from the heavens…and made me believe in destiny.”

This felt really good.

So, I didn’t have to feel guilty for Being, anymore. Maybe this was the guilt that was looking for punishment that the pain in my body was telling me about? Maybe… but I still felt funky. I decided maybe the latent funkiness had to do with the irking I experienced about not making progress on coming to terms with healing for money from earlier, so I got up and worked on that. I decided to begin by defining what I believe healing to be, something I intend to use on my new website that I’m in the process of building.

Here’s what I came up with:

Healing is all about relaxing into the well being that is already present.

And a whole lot more that’ll be up on the site, or talked about in a later post. By that time it was time to get up and make dinner and such, so I that’s did.

And I was ANGRY. Took me totally by surprise. While working on defining healing I had been monumentally focused, but anger hadn’t been a part of it. But yes, suddenly I was the essence of anger. HUGE anger, burning hot rage with NO cause that I could discern. Woe be it unto anything or anyone that crossed my path. Husbands and cats scattered before my thundering steps and dinner leftovers quailed at my rage. Yep. Something was up.

So, apparently I hadn’t figured out what it was I was supposed to understand (referring back to the tarot card reading from that morning) yet. When I feel anger like this, I have found that it makes sense to isolate myself and listen to angry music really loud and stomp my feet and throw my arms around, sing/scream along and basically have a fit. This gets the anger out, and helps me to get at whatever it is that’s underneath it. I’m never angry for no reason, it just sometimes takes some unlayering to figure out what that reason is. So, I dutifully went and did this.

One of the songs I heard resonated with me a great deal. ‘Forsaken’. It reminded me of a line in a Red Hot Chili Peppers song that’s been resonating with me a lot lately, too – ‘Don’t forsake me, I’m contagious.’ It felt suddenly as if my entire body was saying, “Don’t Forsake me!” And as I was singing and screaming along with the music I suddenly felt a strange shift, as if there were two of me, one singing, and one listening. The one singing was the pain in me. It was the clenched parts of my own stuck energy that aren’t relaxed and aren’t flowing with well being, that were screaming.

I realized that these twists and tangles of energy in me are crystallized parts of myself. Crystallized creations…my creations…my energy. My energy in crystallized form, stuck energy that’s trapped in a loop of pain and suffering and fear and separation. It’s me… it’s me in there, not some random assortment of joints and connective tissue but me that I had been yelling at earlier in the day…

And the reason I was so strongly resonating with the forsaken idea is because I had spent that time revving up. Yelling at this pain. Screaming at myself, in the past, for creating this. So, when I began to sing, the anger I had thrown at those trapped parts of myself was coming out. The parts had been given a voice, and they were ANGRY.

These parts of myself, these little pockets of time trapped in my body, pockets of energy and emotion and pieces of myself, I had forsaken them… I wanted them away from me. I wanted the pain gone. I didn’t want to experience any of it, or go through it, or anything else. I was irritated and angry at it and wanted nothing to do with it. I had abandoned it. Basically, I didn’t want a part of myself to be in myself. I didn’t want a part of myself to Be at all. (notice the tie in with my dad here? I was on the right track at that time, just hadn’t realized it!) It had a right to be angry! I’d be angry if someone did that to me, too! In fact, I was! (angry at my dad)

I have a feeling that there’s a memory wrapped up in each and everyone of these little tangles of energy that are keeping my joints swollen and in pain. A time period that needs healing, that needs to be embraced and loved and allowed…to be…

And upon understanding this I looked at my hand, at the swollen joints. And it was almost as if I was seeing thousands of little me’s, all crying, all forgotten. Not wanted and ignored and …forsaken. It was as if I was seeing them for the very first time, real parts of myself! That I had been telling pointblank weren’t wanted and should cease to exist and that I would be better and happier if they were just gone. I didn’t want to work through them, I just wanted them uncreated. Period. Go Away. No wonder they felt abandoned! The thing is, it doesn’t work that way. You can’t make yourself go away. You can try, but…that’s not where healing takes place.

I suddenly was SO sorry… *sigh* So very sorry… And… The pain is calling out for love and acceptance of its right to Be… it’s NOT guilt looking for punishment. It’s fear looking for love. It’s something that has been told it is unwanted and doesn’t deserve to exist, but exists anyway, and wants to be recognized… It wants to be seen and heard and embraced and allowed to come back home…

This…these hands and elbows and shoulders and all of my other pain-bearing parts… The trapped energy there that is causing things not to flow… I created them. I can pinpoint just when I did it, each time, and it was always because I felt like I wasn’t allowed to be me, or felt like I wasn’t loved for who I was. Bitter. Angry. Afraid that I wouldn’t allowed to Be who I Am. Each of these little twists is a place where I clenched, and invested my own life’s energy in order to create something to tell me, to remind myself, to let love in. To remind myself that I Am – and that this is Good thing if I can find a way to let it in.

And I realized that now, finally Now, I can love these parts of my body that hurt so much…and thank them for reminding me of something so very important. Now I can actually see them. Now I want to see them.