Personal Power – overriding the desire to please

A couple months ago, I got into a fight with my husband. A BIG fight, over something that was no big deal. But for some reason (unknown to me at the time) I had HUGE energy around the it all of a sudden. It was something we had fought about before – and fights between us as a rule are incredibly rare, we’re both so good at communicating. But this was different, we were actually yelling at each other, and I ended up getting into such a state that I actually left the house! I walked out and drove away.

I was so thrown by everything that was happening that I did a card reading for myself, that wonderful tool I use to help me see outside of my own box. It actually said, “This is all happening so you will open up to a divine message.” I was SO angry at that. I remember sitting back and saying, “FINE God, FINE. You got a message for me?! Bring it!” I laugh now, but at the time I was totally serious. I had no idea what was going on, but I was tired of playing. There was a whole lot of power behind that ‘Bring it!’

I sat there and did my best to clear my mind, which was rolling and rocking with all that anger at my husband, and at the audacity of God to want to give me a message at a time like this. Of course, my mind wandered, revving up even more, more and more and more anger-power, all of it directed at my husband. I suddenly felt something give way, and I yelled out loud. “FINE! I’m LEAVING. I’m moving to Sedona with Pat. “

Have you ever pushed against something big with all your might, and it suddenly gives way 100% and you end up on the floor? That’s how this felt… The words rang in the air as I felt all the anger leave me in one big rush. I felt like I had gone temporarily insane. And I had said…what? What in the world? Where am I? Who am I again, and what am I doing? What’s going on? Move to Sedona with Pat? That’s insane!

And then I asked, in a very, very quiet little voice, “Is that the message I was supposed to get?” And I got a huge YES in response. But none of it made any sense to me. Why Sedona? Why Pat? I knew she was moving there, but… I have a life here, and my husband has a job, and…

I drove to a park and did many more readings. Was I really supposed to leave my husband? That didn’t feel right at all… “No, this has nothing to do with your husband.” But I am supposed to move to Sedona. With Pat. “YES.” But that’s crazy…to pick up and move? Why there? Why can’t I do whatever it is I’m supposed to do, here? “You won’t know until you get there.” Oh great. My husband’s gonna love that – ‘honey? we have to move across the country. By the end of the year. I don’t know why. Sorry for the inconvenience.’ “It’ll be fine, all has been taken care of.” What? Nothing’s been taken care of, I just got the idea, how can things be taken care of? “Stop looking at the negative.”

So, I drove home. And my husband came out to meet me when I pulled up, and he hugged me, and I must have looked pretty wide-eyed pale and shaken because he was treating me as if I were very fragile – and perhaps a bit crazy? I felt a bit crazy…especially when I told him the ‘news’.

My husband, for the record, is amazing. He took it like anyone would take something major like that – and then he began to plan. Why not vacation on Sedona, first? He could maybe take his job with him, and it was time for a move anyway, and… It was wonderful. Moving to Sedona with Pat was still pretty far-fetched – I mean, how would that possibly happen? – but things were moving.

A month or two later, it happened again – but this time with my twin flame, Steve… Total, absolute anger over something that had been around as no big deal for quite a while. This time, it was all internal… I never even actually brought Steve into it in a ‘real life’ way, though he felt much going on energetically. Instead I wrestled with myself, all day, and then in the end did a very similar thing of ‘Fine! I’ll go it alone!’ and shut down the energetic connection between he and I. I closed the door – not permanently, but I definitely closed it.

Again, the sensation of having pushed hard against something only to end up with it moving unexpectedly and landing flat on my face. The energy entirely dissipated, and I was left there sprawling – to the sound of the phone ringing. That was the moment that the foundation called and offered me the position with Children of the Sun, said I could stay at the foundation house in Sedona, and a $1200 stipend to go along with it, starting in September. It just so happened Pat was going to be staying in this house, too. Hmmmmmm! Feeling wild and free, I accepted.

Because of all that happened, even accepting and then resigning the position (it was the promise of a stable place to live and enough money to buy food and all that that got me to take the leap of actually moving there – I dunno if I would have otherwise) this is where I now stand: I am moving to Sedona – with Pat. We’ll be living together in an incredible house with an amazing woman I only met because of my brief time with Children of the Sun. I will have the chance to focus entirely on my own healing and awakening, soaking up the vortex vibes and hiking out on the red rocks, for two to three months. My husband will then be moving out there and joining me, and… I’ll find out why I was called there, eventually.

I never would have let this happen, where I was a few months ago, without the anger experiences that pushed me far enough to cut ties. It wasn’t a part of my ability to create in my reality, without doing so! I had created a dam that wouldn’t allow reality any breathing room to do what I intended to do on a Soul level, and so, using the power of anger, it made some breathing room. Here’s why, and how, experientially and energetically:

The Building of the Dam

My father was gone for the first part of my life. He came home when I was around seven. Just before he arrived, my mother took me to one side and told me in a very serious tone – the kind usually reserved just for other adults – that I had a big job to do, and that it was the most important job ever, one for a big girl: No matter what, keep my father happy. She spoke of this in a way that made me feel that we both would be in real danger if I failed.

However, there was never any pay-off because my dad was never happy. He told me once that the fun ended when I was born – you can imagine how that hit me, with my mother-given job being paramount in my mind. It meant I failed before I was even born. So, I tried harder. Because of this, I honed my empathic gifts, charisma, communication abilities, and a host of other skills to a fine edge.

In addition, there was never a measure of when I could feel I had done a good job… My mom only spoke to me when I had messed up somehow, like by wanting to learn to ride a bike, or getting sick and my dad having to take off work and spend money to take me to the doctor.

Thus, the dam was born, and I naturally began to apply it to anyone and everyone, especially those I loved, and those who were in a position of power. As far as my energetic system was concerned, my life depended on it – and I wasn’t even aware I had that in place. It had been installed at such a young and pivotal age that, as far as I knew, that was just the way the world worked.

The Energetic Situation

I had set up unyielding energy pathways in myself in regard to keeping happy those who are most important to me… The info I needed to get from God/My Higher Self/Inner Being etc., needed to come through, somehow, despite the rigidness of my energetic structure. I had asked to be made aware of those actions that would be for my highest good, but I wasn’t capable of hearing the answer.

Anger-power had to rise in me to such a degree that the power overroad the energy pathways and kicked in survival mode to a higher place than ‘keep everyone happy’. To a ‘Fine! I don’t need them (and thus I don’t need to keep them happy) anyway!’ place.

That’s why the anger dissipated as soon as I heard what I was supposed to hear… Anger is a powerful emotion, there’s a lot of energy behind it, and it was the vehicle required, in my case, to overflow the dam I had created in myself so that I could hear what I needed to hear.

And now that I’m dismantling those walls, in the future I will be able to hear guidance that might upset my loved ones (and make them not happy) without the drama required to pump me up to a point where I overflow the dam. That particular dam won’t be there anymore – at least not to a degree that’s so unyielding that nothing can get through it without going over it…

I’m happy to say that I’m closer to my husband and Steve than ever, now. The power balance shifted, and the connections renewed themselves of their own accord, in a healthier, more Self-honoring way than ever.

It has only be just recently – like, yesterday – that I became self-aware of what had happened, and why it happened the way it did. I became aware of it because I finally shifted the balance within myself to the point of understanding that keeping others happy and not rocking the boat at the sacrifice of yourself doesn’t work.

One of the things that helped me realize this, especially the energetic nature of it all, is a quote from Abraham-Hicks. Here it is!

Abraham-Hicks, from The Astonishing Power of Emotions: Let Your Feelings Be Your Guide, page 135-137

By trying to please others, you encourage the distorted idea that someone else is responsible for their happiness, which, in the long run, disempowers them and makes them unhappy. We could accurately say that the harder you try to make others happy, the more unhappy they become because they are dependent on behavior outside of themselves over which they have no control rather than being in alignment within themselves, over which they have complete control.

So, by holding your mate as your object of attention — telling yourself how much you love her and how important it is to you that she is happy — and then by trying to control her happiness through your actions, it is no wonder that you feel smothered, because this impossible task requires an enormous amount of your time and attention.

Also, in most cases, the more you try to control circumstances in order to enhance the experience of others, the more dependent they become on your behavior, and in time, the more demanding they become. You are innately such independent Beings that the more dependent you become, the unhappier you become. Interesting, is it not, that your intentions were to make another happy, but instead, you have encouraged less happiness?

Your only chance of influencing another to happiness is for you to truly be happy. And the only way for you to truly be happy is to achieve the state of vibrational alignment between you and You.

And that is what I’m going to go do, now. Here is the message I sent out to my “Love is there…” Newsletter subscriber list, just this morning:

Honestly, I was tempted to just let this fade into the sunset instead of actually sending out a notice about it…but after all the talk I did about everything, I realized an explanation was in order.

The long and short of it is – there’ll be no live Awakening with Dawn radio show (at this time). Instead there will eventually be Awakening with Dawn podcasts, pre-recorded broadcasts that you can listen to any time you like.

This is coming on the heels of my stepping down from my position with the Children of the Sun foundation. Upon arriving in Sedona, I discovered that though the place resonated with me just much as I had ever hoped, the position at the foundation did not.

I know many of you were aware of how excited I was about the prospects of this position, and as you can imagine, it was quite shocking to suddenly be faced with the realization that the foundation and I were not a good fit.

There’s a whole bunch about it in posts I made to my blog as this was all unfolding, for those who would like to know more. In the end, I chose to leave the foundation, and my husband and I decided to continue with our plans to move to the Sedona area.

At the moment, I am back in Reston, VA, helping him clean and pack, getting ready for the move. I’ll be here until the end of October – it’s our two year anniversary October 22, and I wouldn’t want to miss that! – and then I’ll be off to Sedona to be on my own for two to three months while the house is being sold. A sabbatical time of dedicated vortex-hiking, healing, Qigong, journaling, mandala drawing, centering, and all around self-nurturing.

Starting a radio show that would be airing every single Tuesday night just didn’t make sense anymore, once this decision had been made. I love the concept, and my passion and enthusiasm for the project hasn’t waned one bit! But I finally realized that it needs to be placed on hold while I take this time for myself.

This will also be the last newsletter for a while. I do intend to continue to post insights and discoveries to my blog, however! If this sounds interesting to you, feel free to subscribe.

Once I finish shifting into this new space (literally and metaphorically!), I’ll resume the newsletters, website updates, and begin recording for Awakening with Dawn. This is all going to be so much fun! I greatly look forward to sharing it with you.

Until then!

*ginormous hugs!*
- Dawn

Embracing the Ego – the angel of doubt

A friend and amazing healer approached me not long ago, and said that they had read my last blog entry and understood what had happened with the Children of the Sun, and why I had dropped my position with them even though I had believed it was my calling. They said that it was very clear that I didn’t understand unity consciousness, and that my ego was in the driver’s seat, calling the shots and keeping me in a state of separation and preventing me from following my true calling.

I wrestled with this for a long time. Had I made the wrong decision? Was my ego in the driver’s seat? Had I made bad choices based on fear? A voice would rise up in me in total knowing and understanding that I had made the right choice – yet it had no facts to back itself up, unlike the opposing side. I began to question my own voice, my own perception, my intuition, everything. I felt like I was being torn apart inside, unable to trust myself, my voice, my thoughts, even my emotions.

I didn’t sleep well at all that night – anxiety dreams of puppets with masks on over masks on over masks. The next day I was driving out to visit with Steve and I suddenly found my answer. It’s a long drive and I had settled into mulling over the paradox I had gotten myself in to – to let go of the ego when it’s the ego doing the thinking…who do you trust? Which you is the real you? How can you function at all?

My thoughts went like this: “Okay…the ego is built to protect, and as a side effect of this it’s also built to separate and hold apart. It is built on fear, and so Law of Attraction brings you things you fear because you’re focusing on them. And that creates Contrast. We as humans all have an ego – well, most of us anyway, those of us functioning in society. It’s actually functional while you still believe that there’s something to fear. And yet, as we awaken to who we really are – eternal beings having a mortal experience – these fears are naturally falling away… Contrast is what’s kept life moving, it’s what drives desire and therefore expansion…

(At this point I heard a voice in my head say, ‘there it is! Do you see it?’ I responded, ‘Yes!’)

The ego, then, is a gift! One that we’re outgrowing naturally, as we realize there’s nothing to fear. The ego very clearly and precisely shows us where we’re still holding ourselves apart from Ourselves. I choose, then, to embrace my ego, not to fear it. Yeah, I’ll make mistakes, but I will Grow because I am self aware and I am choosing to Learn from the fear so I can embrace the wholeness of who I really am. That’s why we’re here in the first place, isn’t it? The ego is actually a guiding light, an angel of doubt, for one who is aware of it. I can trust in my own awakening and my intent to be whole – even when I’m not aware of it, I am guided, it’s all over my blog and I had written all about it just before my trip to Sedona even! I will not miss my calling – I’m living it, and one day I will realize I’ve been living it all along.

And so, just like that, I let it go. I embraced my ego, and I suddenly felt whole again. “We’re in this, together…” I said to myself, and my ego, which appeared in my mind to be much like my inner child, smiled and dried her eyes on her sleeve, then hugged me back.

I’m not going to wrestle with myself or try to systematically, manually uninstall that part of myself on my own… Life and awakening is taking care of that for me – just like everyone else. I choose to make mistakes. And I very well may have made one with resigning my position – but at the moment I feel very clear and good about my choice, and more in alignment with my authentic self than ever.

All I can do is my best – and my best involves listening to the still, quiet voice within. The one that never stops smiling, and always celebrates every choice I make, no matter what it is, but will still give me an opinion on things when I remember to ask. My best also involves trusting what I receive from that still voice, and maintaining my faith that I am a part of something much, much bigger than myself. I am doing my best.

I will trust that this and my lifelong intention and desire to embody my authentic self is enough, and I will continue to strive to grow and learn and release and step up to the next level, step by step, on purpose. I know that there are many people who would disagree with me that this is the way to awaken, gain enlightenment, ect…and that’s okay. This is my path… It may be messy, but it’s very human, and it’s mine – and if that’s egocentric, so be it.

I shall continue to roll around in the contrast so I can really know my boogie-men up close and personal like and watch them fade into the nothing they always were, shedding fear little by little, sharing my experiences with people who may find it helpful to them on their own paths.

I’m fully aware that I may look back on this post a year from now and go, “What was I thinking?” That’s all part of the fun. For right now, from where I stand and from as far as I can see from the level where I’m at – this is my Truth of the moment, and I love it.

Awakening with Dawn

I’ll just say it straight out – I experienced a bit of a melt down last night. There’s something about being part of a large group that already knows its path that really makes one feel supported, and safe, if a bit cramped. Though I know free falling is an important part of coming into your own, it, well… it’s the most scary part of the Fools Journey (a la tarot), the leap of faith, etc. etc.

It’s the part where nothing you thought you knew makes any sense, as you slowly and perfectly come into alignment with what you’ve actually known all along. It’s a shedding, a transmuting of the stuff that held you back so you can grow into who you really are – Now. Now I know why I’ve been continuously having rattlesnake dreams!

The funniest part of this – and actually the most irritating in retrospect as you remember yourself floundering around discomfort, dispair, etc. – is that when all is said and done, you always end up coming back to yourself and the things that were always the most natural to you. On a higher level, though, the next curve of the spiral.

The best part of this is the relief, and the understanding that – big surprise here – you were always guided from within, all along. You can see this happening in the last few blog entries I’ve written as I’ve tried to figure my way out of the tightening world I had created for myself.

The reason I joined the Children of the Sun foundation was because I very much believe in their mission statement. It seemed like the perfect vehicle for me to do what I was already doing, but on a bigger scale, and I felt very prompted to move to Sedona. I knew, somehow, that I had been tapped by the universe, and that I was going.

But when I finally arrived, I found that the COS foundation prefers anonymity from its members, especially those with a voice. That we’re speaking for God and the Mission, and that for some reason this means we have to not be ourselves anymore so that we insure that we remain impeccable.

This, as you can imagine if you’ve been with this blog for any length of time, or know me, goes at a direct 180 to my way of being. I am all about celebrating the individual. ‘Songbird, sing your tune, for none may sing it just as you do…’ and all that.

I mean, my primary origin of understanding began and apparently ends with the book Jonathan Livingston Seagull… A Jesus parallel story about a seagull who must be his own bird, and so ends up leaving everything behind to become his own bird – and then returns to help those who are ready to become their own birds too find their own paths, their own joyful expression.

Honor thyself. Sing your song. To thine own Self be true. Follow Your bliss. Let joyousness be Your guide. COS was about the dissolution of Self so that we could no longer make mistakes as individuals since we would be As One. The thing is, that’s not what Unity consciousness is actually about, in my understanding. It isn’t about leaving your Self behind as you’re assimilated into the One, it’s about celebrating yourself along with everyone else as you rejoin with each other.

I feel stronger about the importance of that more than ever, now.

So, back to the melt down! Yes, I had left the foundation and was in the discomfort of free fall. I knew I was in the right place…the right time… but What Was I Supposed to be Doing?? I felt this immense pressure and fear and anger and like I was floundering around in the dark heading real fast in the wrong direction.

Everything everyone else was doing and saying was talking about the surrender of the Self, that the Self is ego based and tainted and fear based by nature and that it’s to be vanquished, not embraced. This set up a massive pressure inside of me. I didn’t want to push back against the COS, but I wanted to push against something, all right! I was lost and angry and upset and feeling like I was about to suffocate.

Where’s my ground?! Where’s my path?! It was here a second ago, and now I’m finding myself in the apparent middle of nowhere, very very far from home!

I finally just broke down and said Enough! I’ve had enough, I’ve done enough, I’ve suffered enough, tell me already! Or help me figure it out, or something because this pressure is going to tear me apart before long, here. I did several tarot readings for myself, an excellent way to receive guidance from outside your own box.

I discovered that I was holding on to my pain and anger around COS in a wounded victim sort of way and that I was to just let that go all together, it was just a reaction that didn’t have anything to do with me anymore and it was holding me back. I discovered that I am definitely meant to be in Sedona, and that my doubts were just a manifestation of the fear and anger once again.

I realized that I was focusing so much on the dark and sad and grieving (Keith noted later that he watched me move through the process of grief a couple times – denial, anger, disbelief, sadness, acceptance, anger, denial, wash, rinse, repeat) that I was missing the point and creating my own suffering. I was clinging to my own box, trying to salvage what remains I could because it was a source of comfort, even if I had outgrown it.

The cards said I already had my answer, it was right in front of me (don’t you hate that? ) and that I just had to focus on the good so I could detach from the stuff I was using to pump up the anger in order to feed the Old and stay stuck. So, I did, grudgingly at first, and then with greater comfort as I continued to move up the emotional scale a la Abraham Hicks and feel better and better.

I went to sleep, exhausted, feeling relatively okay, trusting I would eventually find out what it was I had been leading myself to all along. And I did.

I woke up around sometime in the middle of the night and realized – I am not awake. Metaphorically and literally. Half asleep in that lucid kinda dreamy place, I came to understand that I’m all about helping humanity to awaken comfortably, easily, supported and all that. That’s why I joined COS in the first place. And yet here I was, in pain, half asleep, definitely not feeling comfortable or supported.

I have been trying to help people accomplish something I haven’t accomplished myself, yet. And yet I have always felt so driven to share my story of waking up – the good, the bad and the ugly – here in this blog, at Meetups I go to, etc. I have felt driven to keep it real, to share all the details, even the ones that make me look like a complete dork. Especially the ones that make me look like a complete dork. If I mess up and cause myself pain and can help someone avoid it by sharing what I did that didn’t work, and things I did that did work, I’m ecstatic.

But always, I haven’t been looking to mark out THE PATH, or even A PATH for others… I’ve always wanted to be there to show what I did as an example of what worked for me, and what didn’t. Suggestions. Pointers. Ideas to play with. And to show that in the end, as dark as things get sometimes, they’re always moving to a higher place, and that, when you let it, Life is Fun. Life is Good.

In that quasi-awake state, ‘Be the Change You Want to See in the World’ came into my head, and I understood.

I’m waking up, and it just so happens that so is everyone else. Waking up, realizing my own potential for joy and expression, is my passion – right along with simultaneously sharing that experience with others so that they might benefit from what I’ve discovered.

So, that’s what I am going to do. I am going to continue doing what I’ve been doing, but on a larger scale. I actually don’t know what this entails, but I’m excited by the idea, and I feel like I have a direction and a sense of purpose again, and that’s wonderful.

Sedona is a tiny little spot on the map, known for the vortex experiences and spiritual awakenings that occur here. People come to Sedona because they’re looking for something…something spiritual, something deep and resonating. Something that they can take back with them, to help them expand their own box back home in their own life. This is the perfect spot for someone whose passion revolves around the desire to provide just that.

I’m not interested in going out and finding people. I’m not even interested in working one on one for extended periods anymore. I’m interested in being a point of synchronistic contact for people looking for the next piece of the puzzle that I can just happen to share because I’ve already been there in my own way.

I’m seeing doing Qigong in a very public place, the very flat space just off the main path of Airport Vortex perhaps, or at one of the many scenic outlooks. I’m also seeing interactive fun playshops where people get to experience what they can do with energy, receive tools on how to shift their own patterns, feel good using one of the many Abe-Hicks processes, who knows?

What I do know is I am going to Be the change I want to see in the world, by continuing to Wake Up, myself…and invite others to do so with me. I’ve been on this path the whole time (of course ), and now all the pieces are coming together. Especially the radio show, Awakening with Dawn, which will be once a week at 9pm EST, 6pm PST starting Tuesday, September 25th. (And if you’d like to hear me talk about all this stuff live, I’m being interviewed on Stargate to the New Earth on Thursday, September 20th at 10pmEST, 7pm PST)

I’ll also be teaching free classes over the internet through Earthborne Rising too (they’re the people hosting the radio show), because I love doing so. I’ll be offering guided meditations for sure. Hey, I could do that at the vortices here in Sedona, too! I learned just recently that I can do mass light body activations (Activates your highest potential, and the will to reach for it)… Ooooo. Light body activation vortex tour, now we’re talkin’.

Above all, everything I do from now on will be real, accessible, celebrating the individual, open in all its messy glory, and always expanding, growing and changing as we all continue to wake up to our potential – Together.

Free Falling, and the Keys to the City

Well… I’m in Sedona! And it’s all that everyone said it was, and it’s true – time does move slower here. There’s also a dampening effect created by the red rocks, the high elevation, and the isolation of Sedona from major cities. You can feel it about an hour out from Phoenix, and at first I couldn’t tell what it was because it was a lack of something, rather than an addition. The best way I can describe it is that there’s less static, here.

Less electrical presence, many less people, all of it – the air is clearer in many more ways than one, and this effect is greatly heightened when you actually come within 20 miles of Sedona. A softening of the fields, a clarity. Like your teeth were vibrating in your head all along, and suddenly they’ve stopped. You can ‘hear yourself think/feel’ here in a way I’ve never experienced before.

When I arrived and met the Children of the Sun council members, there was an immediate synergy, a connection, and odd as it may sound this connection didn’t have anything to do with Children of the Sun. These people just happen to have a similar mission as COS, and myself, and yet each carries a different facet. One woman is an incredible greeter and welcomer, another is a path holder. This was NEAT to experience.

It also just so happened that one of the women had received a prompting to clean her house and get it ready. It even ended up that the roommate she has now is moving out at the end of the month. And so, Pat and I have a place to live, right up near the vortex I resonate with most – Coffee Pot Rock. I’m noticing a pattern, actually, that each person seems to resonate most with one particular vortex or another.

As for the Children of the Sun Foundation… first the house was gone. Then the stipend was gone. Then the freedom to write as I felt led was gone. Then I was gone. I have resigned from the 3D construct.

I keep seeing a neat little movie image of me as a glowing white bird thinking that it can’t fly without a machine. So it finds a wooden trojan horse looking bird made out of rough sticks and rocks all tied together with old string, and tries to fit itself inside so it can fly…

The bird thing takes off with me inside, and it’s not at all natural or comfortable feeling at all to have your wings moved around for you, all cramped and tight and your light dimmed by the constricting structure. As it rises higher, it gets more and more and more uncomfortable until I finally get to the point where I don’t care of we’re a mile up, I’m outta here!

And so the real bird inside the fake bird squeezes itself out, and starts to fall… It’s a peaceful kind of falling though – there’s no fear or disorientation…just the whistling of the wind, and a curiosity about what one could do with it now that they’ve let go…

‘Real world’ wise, I know with absolute clarity that Sedona is the next step on my path. I have a wonderful room I’ll be renting, with a healing vibe to the house and the land that’s off the charts and roommates who are also incredibly uplifting… I have also, surprisingly enough, very much resonate with the woman who works with the Sedona city of light – an invisible other-dimensional (for now) healing city of light that apparently is superimposed over Sedona that will be interfacing with the earth plane in a very real and visible way in the not too distant future.

This was a far reach for me, even as an optimistic skeptic that I am. But sitting with the woman, seeing the blueprints she was given to hold and anchor in this world, hearing her describe the coming interface – I burst into tears. I felt more at home with the stuff – crazy as it sounded/sounds to my analytical reality-based mind – than I ever did with Children of the Sun.

I have to segway and tell a story here, because I’m realizing it’s pretty relevant I was getting ready to go to her house and hear about the city of light along with Pat (my friend and soon to be roomie) and one of the council members Sedona Keller on Saturday morning, and I felt/heard a prompting. “Don’t forget Genii’s gift.” My first response was confusion. Gift? I knew she’d been lauded as the holder of the vision of the city for decades and decades, but a gift?

The prompting responded by showing me a rose quartz massaging implement crystal that I bought a year or so ago because it was so calling to me that I just had to. I’ve been carrying it around in my purse ever since, and when I went to look, there it was. And it was glittering gold and silver and in a weird phasing sorta way that I’ve never experienced before. All I know is, it never looked that way back in VA! I heard clearly the words in my head, “The key to the city.”

So, I took it with me. I showed it to the others and they too saw the sparkly other-worldly quality. When we arrived, I was overwhelmed with this sense of impending something. The Moment had arrived. My analytical mind was all ooooookay, and my heart was bursting with joy and love and excitement.

I was prompted again, and so I stood up, and walked over to where Genii was sitting. She looked up at me, and I was prompted to get down on my knees – which felt bizarre but right at the same time. I then took the crystal out, and placed it in her hands, and then I spoke in a very honored, loving voice, not at all reminiscent of the quirky almost amused state my analytical mind was in as I more or less just watched this unfold.”I present to you the Key to the City.”

I found myself bowing my head, placing my forehead down on the crystal, my head in her hands. She said, “I’ve been waiting for you for a long time…” And then the moment was over. She went on to say that in all of her visions of the city, she bears a crown with a rose quartz at the forehead, and a staff with a missing piece at its mid-point where her hand is supposed to grip it. The crystal I brought, made to fit perfectly in the hand, the same exact shade as the crown’s crystal, was the missing piece.

She has offered to do the Four Keys Initiation on the 25th of September. There are four gates that lead into the city. The initiation is an alignment and syncing up with the city of light, and is something that she was given instructions on how to perform along with the information her husband brought through from which the blueprints (incredibly detailed blueprints!) were created.

And so…that’s where I’m at right now. Going back to VA on the 16th, then driving back to move into the new amazing space I’ll be living in for a couple months, and so I can be inducted with the Four Keys Initiation. I am feeling led to hike the vortices and meditate, do Qigong up there in the mornings in public view, and focus on enjoying myself with total freedom.

I’m curious what will happen when I decide to actually start flapping my wings.