Hee Ever the balancing act, eh?

Awakening with Dawn felt unbalanced – too me, not enough playing with others. Not enough co-creation going on. So, what I thought happened was that Awakening with Dawn metamorphed into Angels of Awakening… However, I’m realizing now that I was wrong. Instead, what occurred was the birth of a new creation, sprung forth from the desire to be of service and help people wake up to more what they’re really capable of.

I didn’t realize this until a few days after Angels of Awakening went live. Until after Awakening with Dawn was shelved and started collecting dust. I felt like something was being neglected, something in me… and I realized – there’s no room for me to hold meditations and do readings or play with consciousness raising fun stuff when the show is dedicated to the guest!

Yes, I’ll be hosting the show, and I’ll get to talk and share my thoughts but… where am I going to fit in what I want to say and just what I want to do?

I was grumping at my husband about this, about how in creating one amazing incredible creation that I cherish, I kind of lost a part of myself. And it was he that suggested – why not two shows? I argued at first, saying it would take too much time. I’m about Angels of Awakening now, and dedicated to that. How can I dedicate so much time and energy to two creations?

And then I realized – he was right. Awakening of Dawn already has been created. It is created, in my mind. And just because I’ve created a site and show dedicated to others, doesn’t mean I have to abandon the one dedicated to myself being who I am.

It may sound silly, but honestly, I get so much enjoyment out of guiding meditations, doing readings, talking about new angles on ideas and whatever, that I had at some unconscious level that I was being selfish/egocentric just focusing on myself. It didn’t matter that I was focusing on the sharing of what I am/who I am with others so that they may enjoy and gain from me being that – that sounded egocentric to me, no matter how much people may be getting out of it.

Backwards thinking, eh? It is, at least, when you actually look at it straight on and see it for what it is.

Not to sound egocentric (:P) but, the sun doesn’t get embarrassed and stop shining because it realizes it’s been way too self-centered lately… It is what it is and it does what it does because that is who and what it is at its core. Its essence.

My essence wants to shine, too. Not just in the celebration of others, which I truly do love, but also in the celebration of myself.

And so, Awakening with Dawn is back on the creation drawing board. I’m no longer so embarrassed and afraid of coming across as egocentric – that’s always been one of my greatest fears – that I’m not willing to even begin the creation of a space created just for myself to shine. I’ll begin, and I’ll just see what happens. I won’t say I’m not still nervous, don’t get me wrong. But…

I’ll begin. I’ll begin it now.